Courage to Be Loved With Authenticity


Everyone one of us has someone, or some people who simply loves us, regardless of our condition, character, idiosyncrasies or other people’s thoughts and opinions about us.  They have taken the time to get to know us and see us for what we are, who we have become and who we can become. They are constantly there for us, they appreciate us, and we do not have to pay a fee for their love, care, support and counsel.  But their support can only be healthy and useful if we are objective and honest about what we tell them, and if we are receptive to their very candid but loving and truthful advise and feedback.   We always have choices, so we can choose to listen to people who say what they think we want to hear, or what they want us to hear, or we can choose to listen to what we really don’t want to hear, but should hear.  Are we afraid to surround ourselves with the type of people who are not scared to be straight forward with us? The Reminder calls them our healthy support circle.

Our healthy support circle:

  • Respects our intelligence, believes in us, but will look us in the eye and tell us the truth, not to show off, be savvy, or controlling, but to assist us in seeing things for what they are, and help us walk through very tough decisions and very difficult times.
  • Forces us to dig deep, to take our eyes off other people, and challenge us to take the higher ground so that we make the healthiest decisions for all, not just for the self.
  • Lays the truth on us because they genuinely care. They make us understand that it is not a matter of being right or wrong, but about how we handle situations.
  • Never allows us to lose sight of the fact that we have the ability and the choice to make decisions with the power and the attitude of a person who at the crux of it all, will end up doing that which is best for all.
  • Teaches us skills and knowledge that will equip and empower us to survive both our work and personal life challenges.
  • Knows that sometimes we will not listen to advise, but will still impart wisdom to assist us in preventing our own demise.
  • Knows when to step back and not say anything and allow life to teach us certain lessons we really need to learn on our own. They’ll be there for us when we are broken, need a shoulder, and a kind word.
  • Does not seek our worship or need accolades from us.

“Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life.” ~Pythagoras

Are we surrounded by people who:

  • Will be honest with us?
  • Are unafraid to tell us the truth in love?
  • Care enough to tell us when we are going in the wrong direction?

Who do we really prefer in our lives? The people:

  • Who lie to us to make us feel good?
  • Who will help us cover up what we have become and not deal with it?
  • Who see our shackles, torment and darkness, but tell us we are doing great?
  • Who see our chains but yet tell us we are free and liberated?
  • Who say to us, “Be you!” Yet it is to our detriment?
  • Who cheer us on when they should be telling us to take a seat for a minute and rethink our actions?

The deeper question is do we have the capacity to:

  • Be with people who are genuine, honest and upfront with us?
  • Be with people who really love us, even with all our faults?
  • Embrace the type of love that shows us how precious and valuable we are?

We are used to deceiving and being deceived.  We are comfortable with such behavior and it has become the norm, or so it appears. We appear to enjoy lies, charm and seduction; they are the easy way out, than dealing with being honest and demanding honesty.  Our mantras have become, a little lie won’t hurt, what people don’t know won’t hurt them. It seems like we have created a world where it is alright to be pretentious and superficial, as long as things are going the way we want them to. We shrug off truths and entertain lies, our own lies and that of others. We enjoy lying tongues because with them we do not have to face what we have become and who we really are, and we can continue blaming others for the way we are.

Where are we going with this? What do we hope to gain or accomplish? We are building rotten foundations that will not hold. We have succeeded in convincing ourselves and others that that is the way life is, and that we are keeping it real!  What has this form of “keeping it real” done for us personally, or for humanity as a whole? HAVOC! PAIN! CHAOS! DEPRESSION! HATE! DAMAGE!

Can we handle authenticity? Or are we too deep in being comfortable with people we lie to, and who lie to us, because we self-idolize and want to be worshiped, and we crave for our egos to be massaged with accolades and flattery? Perhaps we are afraid of authentic truth, love and kindness. We are not used to being treated with such beautiful virtues, or giving and expressing  them to someone else.  Perhaps we are afraid of people who make us look in the mirror to see what we have really become. Perhaps we are afraid of people who genuinely love and believe in us. We are not used to it, it is not familiar and it leaves us feeling uncomfortable and afraid. Perhaps we are so shattered inside from this journey called life and all that we have been through, that authentic love, with all its joy, peace and acceptance that it comes with, frightens us.

But there ARE people out there who can, who will, and who CHOOSE to loves us, and that, is a reality!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Gather the courage, and allow yourself, to be genuinely loved and authentically valued!

Will you be loved?








Tomorrow’s Hope

Lion, Lion Cub, Animal, Baby Animal

The process of self-analyzing, of deep reflections and taking responsibility for our own actions is one that should never stop.  It should be a lifetime of quiet determination to become better and better at building the type of Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence in knowing who our true self is. We can learn from our mistakes and become hope for our kind, that is, mankind. It’s a choice, an authentic deliberate and genuine decision, nothing less.

“Change happens in an instant. It happens the moment you decide to change.” ~Allyson Lewis

There was once a lion cub who somehow found himself growing with a pack of wild dogs.  He went everywhere with them, and did everything with them. One day, while playing with the pack of dogs in the wild, a male lion came by. He shook his captivating mane, and belted out a thunderous roar! All the wild dogs ran, and the little lion cub, after a brief hesitation and frown, turned and ran off with the pack he was familiar with.  They were who he was familiar with.  Their fear was his fear, their anxiety was his anxiety.  Their dread was his dread.  But after seeing that huge lion and hearing his roar, something from within began to nudge the cub.

One day, the cub drifted away from the pack and as he walked with a carefree manner, heading for nowhere in particular, he ended up by a river.  Of course he wanted to lap some water; he was thirsty and needed a drink.  Unknown to him, he was about to understand why he had stood still and frowned when the big male lion roared like thunder!  Destiny was about to meet with identity! He was about to be reborn! He was about to understand why he had felt a nudge from within, after the encounter with the bigger and older lion.

He bent down to lap some water and saw his reflection, and for the first time ever, really looked at himself and saw who he was! Wait a minute! He looked exactly like the bigger lion! Wait a minute! If that lion could walk with such dignity, majesty, surety, magnificence and power, so could he! If that lion wielded such command, power and authority and could be so self –assured, so could he! He was not a wild dog after all, he was a majestic lion, who bowed down to no one, roared with power, and walked with authority! At this point it did not matter what had happened in his past, or how he got to be raised by a pack of wild dogs, or how he got into that situation in the first place! What did matter was that he had DISCOVERED himself!

The next day, the huge and commanding lion came by again, and belted out one of his booming roars.  The pack of wild dogs, once again, scrambled and ran off.  But the little cub, who had now found his true self, stood his ground, found his voice, refused to back down, and roared right back! His true nature had kicked in.

What have we, our own kind, mankind, become? What are we doing for each other? What are we doing to each other? It appears as though our capacity to hurt one another, to easily lash out at others, and to carelessly discourage and ruthlessly wound another have heightened to a point where we have become callous about our own kind, mankind. Is there something we can learn from that little lion cub?  Can we find our true secure selves, change and become better and better at appreciating ourselves and each other?  The young lion discovered how majestic, royal and powerful he really was. Can we reach deep within us and do the same?  What will it take!

I believe that we do have the innate ability and instinct to empower each other, even though everything around us indicates that we should be ruthless and selfish.  The trends we follow, the music we listen to, our own extreme indulgences, our entitled manner in which we behave and treat others, and our insecurities in not quite figuring out our individual identities and purpose on this earth, have influenced our actions in a not so good way.

If we discover our true identity, our true self, we will find that:

  • We do not have to tear each other down or tear each other apart.
  • We do not have to bring division among ourselves.
  • We do not have to crush and suppress each other.
  • We do not have to look down on other people for any reason whatsoever.
  • We do not have to glory in other people’s ‘failures’. ~The Reminder

Have we not learned from the past, our own past and other people’s past?

Let’s take the time  to discover who we truly are, rethink who and what we have become, rethink our actions, rethink what we are doing to each other.

We CAN learn to care, because our true selves, from deep within, the beauty and virtue dormant in us, does care!  For the sake of all mankind, but most especially for tomorrow’s hope, the children, let us pull from the well of decency lying inside us, so that they will not pay the price for our mistakes, and suffer for our wrong doing! Like the lion cub saw who he truly was and could become, can the children do the same with us?

  “Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday ~John Wayne

Can we secure tomorrow’s hope?






What Will Our Last Heartbeat Say of Us?


hourglass-620397_1920 (2)

We do not have forever on this earth. The question then becomes, what are we doing with this finite time we have been given?

What is our focus? To hate and despise, or is it to find a way to put the self aside and figure out how we can do better and act better, more lovingly?

Spreading hate, or spreading love?

  Spreading good deeds or meanness?

Spreading joy or misery?

Spreading light or darkness?

What ripple effects are we choosing to send out? Can we join hands, hang heads and make great things happen for each other?  Can we be less competitive, become less jealous, less envious and less egotistical, fearful and selfish and simply make the decision to assist each other?  In our families, at work, personal relationships, friends, and even with strangers, is there a way we can talk better, act better and love better?  Can we muster and gather enough love and kindness?

I believe in us, in humanity; I really believe we can.  It’s a decision. A deliberate choice!

We can set aside the mentality and mindsets that make us create and fuel hate, anger and resentment.

We can determine to not allow, and in fact get rid of, what motivates us to hurt and destroy others, causing them unimaginable pain!

What do we benefit from being, mean, arrogant, and down-putting people?

What do we gain when we sensationalize other people’s demise, ‘failures’, weaknesses and mistakes in life?

What satisfaction do we derive in extinguishing someone else’s dreams?

Where is the joy in belittling, disgracing and degrading another precious human life?

What is the spiritual and emotional gain in suppressing and oppressing others?

Can we perhaps start working on being SPECIAL?

  • Special in the sense that we make a resolution to be kind, generous, promote other people’s lives, celebrate, assist and encourage them?
  • Special in the sense that we make it a deliberate purpose to lend a hand, boost others up, cushion their fall, alleviate their pain, and strengthen them to succeed?
  • Can we be bold in the things that matter, such as joyfully boosting another’s growth, lighten the burden on their lives, support and sustain them until they blossom, when we have the capacity to do so?
  • Can we stop for a minute and assist another, bring them respite from their troubles, get behind them and champion them on into their own personal and professional victories?
  • Would it be so hard to bend over backward, and contribute to another person’s well-being in a meaningful way?
  • Has our ability to minister, nurse, and bring succor to other people, been completely taken over by the self?

I know that we all, including me, have our challenges in life.  We all have enough that we have to deal with, BUT, there is something in us, divine, infinite, inexplicable, which emerges when we begin to demonstrate love in our own agony, inspiration in our own darkness, and liberty in our own walls.  Something strange, but exhilarating, beautiful and powerful begins to happen to us, and for others, when in our own challenges, we chose to assist others.  It is indescribable healing, undefinable joy, it is peace that cannot be explained. It is possible, it is REAL!

Let’s think about our legacy, the things we spend time on, and the type of negative or positive impact they are making.  Will we leave behind deeds and footprints that will harm and handicap humanity, or ones that will validate its worth and value?  Will we leave behind ones that will boost humanity’s state of being, or one that will thwart it?

What will our last heartbeat say of us?

“I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats.  I don’t intend to waste any of mine.”  ~Neil Armstrong

Sum up the strength and courage, leave that SPECIAL footprint.




Our Soul, Stronger Than Our Surroundings


nature, sky, sunset

What type of surrounding, atmosphere and environment do we constantly find ourselves in?

  • Are we surrounded by people who abuse and stigmatize us?
  • Are we around people who constantly berate us, talk to us like we are worth nothing?
  • Are we surrounded by prejudice, chaos, violence, torment and trauma filling us with deep anger, steeping us in dark depression, and incapacitating our gifts and potentials?
  • Are we swamped with life’s challenges and drowning in and from our own mistakes?

Do we want to be set free? Do we know that we are created with POWER to rise above the storms, but most of us don’t realize it! We are not taught to believe that, and in the course of time, we lose sight of it completely! Time out! Time to dig deep and defeat what is damaging us.

                                                                   Time to self-e-VALUE-ate!

                                                                    Time to em-POWER!

                                                                    Time to re-DISCOVER!

                                                                    Time to re-BIRTH!

Sadly, many of us cannot properly function and blossom because of our fear, pain, depression and anxiety. We rarely confront their roots and origin because that exercise is extremely agonizing! The pain to admit certain things to ourselves is too raw and shocking; the shame we carry is too daunting, and we take them with us everywhere we go.  We might hide behind masks and facades but subconsciously they affect how we treat ourselves, family, friends, colleagues and strangers. To cover up, we act like we have all the answers and all the know how to everything.  In an attempt to hide the emptiness, darkness and torment that lies within, we sometimes become too loud or too closed up, and we sometimes degrade others in order to feel powerful and in charge.

Yes, the majority of us have all experienced and been surrounded by self-inflicted, and agonizing moments with family, colleagues, friends, past relationship, acquaintances and even strangers, and these experiences have left us deflated, wounded, scarred, broken and shattered.  But what matters now is what are we going to do about it? Do we value ourselves enough to fight for our life and conquer what torments us? What will we choose, succumb, remain in our shackles, or fight for our freedom? We can make a determined choice to rise above it all, or allow it to consume, degenerate, and destroy us.  We can allow fear, shame and maltreatment to clip our wings, never spread them, and never reach the best of our potential or ever maximize our true abilities.  Or we can simply say, ENOUGH!

We are stronger than we believe, or are made to believe! Should we deny ourselves the right and liberty to heal and be whole?  It takes one disciplined, mind changing, life changing decision! Let’s take some time out; take our eyes off what others are doing to us, or what has been done to us in the past. Let’s muster the courage to NOT succumb. WE DO NOT HAVE TO!

“Strive to make the brave choice.  Look at the root of the problems and troubles and torment raging within you.  Take your eyes off what others are doing to you and focus on cleaning yourself up and growing beautifully.” ~ The Reminder

We are worth it, but the decision is, and will always be, ours to make. We can choose to be shattered or be made whole, be bruised or healed, drown or soar! Which will it be?

Remember, “The soul is stronger than its surroundings.”  ~William James





The Last of Human Freedoms


Let’s ask ourselves the real questions, I mean, the honest questions.  The ones that make us very uncomfortable, the ones that force us to look in the mirror and our reflection is not what we want to see, but the truth cannot be denied.  Let’s rethink finger-pointing and instead self-examine, and take our eyes off other colleagues, family, friends and strangers, and really look at ourselves from within.

What does our reflection reveal about our mindset? What does it tell us about how we view other people? Are we blinded by myopia, and darkened by closed mindedness? Does our reflection show us that we have lost sight of other people’s humanity? Does it tell us that we believe that we are better than other people, especially those who don’t look and talk like us, who may not be as educated, whose job titles, financial and social status do not match ours?

                                                   Every soul is priceless and precious!

As the world gets harsher, meaner and more ruthless, what choices are we going to make, what attitudes are we going to cultivate?

  • Continue holding on to our destructive and damaging mindsets, or are we going to pursue purpose and destiny that will liberate us and others?
  • Be stuck in our own insecurities, bubbles and walls, or are we going to grow, spread our wings and endeavor to assist in bringing humanity to all?
  • Impede other people’s goals, destroy their peace of mind, add to their own existing pain, contribute to their misery, or will we aide them, buoy them up and support them? 

Must we all keep paying the price for our negative mindsets and the way we have been conditioned?  We CAN choose to change our attitudes and lend a kind hand, say something uplifting, champion others on, nurture and harness them, instead of hindering and obstructing their professional and personal growth.

Regardless of who we are, or where we come from, we are all people, each one of us special, valuable and precious, and do not deserve any form of abuse, or denial to be the best that we can be.  

It is no easy feat, it takes guts, but we can will and make the choice to reach deep into the core of our being and develop a mindset that builds, not destroys. We can develop a beautiful attitude, and act better towards family, colleagues, friends and even strangers.  It is our right, and our freedom to do so!

“The last of human freedoms – the ability to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.” ~Viktor E. Frankl







One Important Breath From It All

Free stock photo of landscape, nature, man, person

“If I take that one deep breath, walk away for a minute, a day, a week, (dependent upon how deep the cut and how emotional I feel), I will find the strength, the peace, and the wisdom to handle the situation or person more appropriately.

A positive, mature, and constructive response comes with a lot of practice and an attitude that is always less on the defensive.”  ~The Reminder