No Consciousness Without Pain


You can agree with the labels or you can repel and deflect them! You can allow them to keep you bowed down, OR NOT!

In The Reminder: Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence, it is a lot about the gift of being able to point at yourself to perform a deep soul searching to become better, and not focus on the other people’s meanness and idiosyncrasies. After all you do not know what ails them, what truly torments them, or what demons plague them. You do not know how, when or where their agony and insecurities took over them. Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence says you will feel the weight of their behavior and how they treat you, but make a deliberate choice to use that weight to crush your own idiosyncrasies and grow on your path to gaining Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence.

Many times we find ourselves in situations where others treat us as though we are beneath them, and that we are not worth the ground that they walk on. We are not worth the room that they are in neither are we worth the air that they breathe. Our very presence annoys them, and when we speak, our words have no value to them. Our voice is meaningless, and our soul is worth nothing, as far as they are concerned. The emotional, mental and spiritual pain at such treatment can be phenomenal.

How should we react to such people? How should we respond? Should we respond at all? It crushes your soul to not hit back, to not tell them like it is, but instead respond with grace. In the spirit of The Reminder, in order for one to develop Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence, one must have a type of mindset. One that quietly and kindly deflects what others are doing to you.

Psalm 37:8 New International Version (NIV)

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.

It is a disciplined quietly powerful mindset that wisely asks us to react differently from how we would typically and justifiably react in anger, in a tit for tat manner, when people have measured us and judged us according to their own standards and according to them we have fallen short of being treated with dignity. The mindset that the book advises goes thus.

If someone has the right to be cold, I have the right to be warm. If they have the right to hate, I have the right to love. If they have the right to be uncaring, then I have the right to be caring. ~The Reminder

I know it hurts, and it can be excruciating. Sometimes even I fall short of such a beautiful mindset. It is against our ordinary human nature; however, we can choose to be extraordinary, take the pounding, knowing deep within, that we are being crushed into becoming a beautiful person. If you choose to constantly respond negatively to others who treat you badly, then they have you under their control and you will become exactly what you did not want to become: their plaything.

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the bosom of fools. Ecclesiastes 7:9 (ESV)

Behave oppositely to their expectations; perk up, be joyful, assist when you can, and let the ugly that’s been dished out roll gracefully off you. Now that is being in charge and in control.

In other words, you do not accept their abuse, but you allow their words and actions to penetrate just enough. You do not deny the pain they create inside you, but you take it and use it to force yourself to decipher what lessons are to be learned and how best you can personally grow from their myopic view of who you truly are. As you do so, one day, you will realize that the things that used to bother you, the things that made you so mad, the labels people put on you, the names they called you, the category they put you in, the stigma, stereotyping and prejudice and biases against you, that caused you so much pain and embarrassment, no longer hold power over you. They have been rendered ineffective; Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence has grown inside you. You have persevered and endured and have built in yourself a self-realization, solid character, and good temperament, which you continue to develop every day. You will find that you can genuinely laugh things off when others are taking a jab at you. You can still love yourself when others despise and reject you.

The gift and art of quiet power, peaceful confidence from within is not cheap. It does not happen overnight and true virtue, which comes from that, is deliberately nurtured; it is self-control at its highest. ~The Reminder

  • Feel the pain and use it to self-discover and grow.
  • Feel the pain but discipline yourself to deflect and not retaliate.
  • Feel the pain but use it to thrive in love, kindness and patience.
  • Feel the pain, but do not focus on who is causing it, instead use it, and zone in on coming to the consciousness of who you truly are and who you truly should be, your unique self!

There is no coming to consciousness without pain. Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves. ~Carl Jung

Are you ready to grow?



Do Not Check Out!




The Reminder talks about the Quiet Power, Peaceful Confident Assistant.  I wrote who an assistant truly is, or can be, not out of some idealistic idleness, but out of lessons which I learned, from and through my own pain and agony. At some point in my life, I knew that I could let my situation and circumstances drown me, or I could choose to thrive! I also knew that the final decision about what I was going to do to and with my life was mine, and not any one else’s. My decisions and choices were my responsibility. I had to find the power deep within my spirit and mind and quietly determine to live and refuse to die. How was I going to do that?

I made the brave and deliberate choice to step out every day, in my pain, depression, brokenness, fears and insecurities. I would force myself to mingle with others by cheerfully volunteering, and allowing myself to be in environments where I was giving of myself to others, so that they might have the joy, the peace, and the love that we all so deserve. I made the brave choice not to zone in on the things or people that were pulling me down, making me sink, or trying to, directly or indirectly. I discovered that I could assist myself, heal quicker, when I zoned in on helping others, without asking for anything in return.

In The Reminder are some of these discoveries, the things I learned. I learned a different definition of who an assistant truly is, or can be.  So far, (I am still learning), here is the list I have come up with. You will find this list in The Reminder, as the book gently nudges you to face yourself and live; to not cut yourself off, give up on yourself, or cut your precious valuable life short. It encourages healing by urging you to assist yourself and others. YOU ARE STILL HERE so assist another, don’t give your pain power by focusing on it all the time. Assist until you swim above water, and assist some more!

  • The Assistant is the one who lacks but gives.
  • The Assistant is the one who has sorrow but gives joy.
  • The Assistant is the one in pain but brings healing.
  • The Assistant is financially rich or poor but makes a personal decision to bring solace to others.
  • The Assistant is spiritually rich or poor but strives to become a better person.
  • The Assistant is emotionally rich or poor but chooses to excel in their condition and to make the world a better place.
  • The Assistant is physically rich or poor but does not use their condition to manipulate.
  • The Assistant’s mindset is that he/she might be financially and emotionally poor, but they are spiritually rich.
  • The Assistant is the imperfect who asks over and over again, “How can I do better? How can I touch and change one more life? Who needs my heart this time, who needs my spirit, who needs my touch, who needs my counsel, who needs my voice, my love, my mercy, my forgiveness, my passion, my compassion?”
  • The Assistant does not wallow in self-pity, and, as much they need a special touch too, as much as they struggle with their emotions too, they take joy in opportunities to give back.
  • The Assistant is an appreciative person, full of gratitude for what little or great kindness another has demonstrated to them, and they pass it on in kind, emotionally, spiritually, mentally or financially.
  • The Assistant has surpassed the need to puff up egos and bring false security, impressions and images.
  • The Assistant is the teacher who realizes, recognizes, and admits the student is not just one who is to be taught, but one who also teaches the teacher a lesson or two about life.
  • The Assistant empowers, not enables.
  • The Assistant does not use their power or position to gossip, pit people against each other, or throw them under the bus.

Assisting others, instead of focusing on your depression really does help. Will you make the brave choice to step out of your depression, literally force yourself everyday to shed it, and live? It is a deep and deliberate decision you have to make. As painful as it is, the joy, the self-worth that follow after, are worth every bit of that pain, that fight, that battle! FIGHT TO LIVE! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

I will not die; instead, I will live to tell what the LORD has done. Psalm 118:17 (NLT)

Choose to live! DO NOT CHECK OUT!



Take This Moment Just for You


Have a seat for a moment.  Take a break from everything and every one. This bench is here especially for you, this is now your space; just you, your soul, your mind, your heart and your spirit.  Sit for a while and have some significant me time. Make it worthwhile, because this moment is yours. It is about you and only you. You have some very serious questions to ask yourself. No one is watching, no one is around, no one will walk by or peek at you. It is literally just you!

Take a really deep breath. Ready? Here we go.

Ask yourself…

  • Who and what is the source of my strength, wisdom, joy and peace?
  • How deep does the foundation that they provide me with run?
  • What are the depth, length, breadth, and height of my foundation?
  • What does this foundation really look like?
  • Is it worth turning to when I need to take a deep breath?
  • Can my foundation truly sustain me through my darkest times, answer my deepest questions, chase my demons away, and cause me to stand tall, shaken yet unshakable?

What is Your foundation? Who or what are you anchored in?

Matthew 7:24-27 New Living Translation (NLT)

24 “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. 25 Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. 26 But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. 27 When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”

You know your life better than anyone else does.

You know your truths and your lies.

You know what makes you tremble when no one is watching.

You know what makes you quiver in your dark and insecure moments.

You know where it really hurts.

You know what demons torment you.

When there is dark, unbearable torment and onslaught of anger, depression and insecurities on your mind, emotions, heart and spirit, who or what do you turn to?

  • What do they really do for you?
  • Are they genuinely supporting and buoying you up?
  • Can they truly stand the test of time for your life?
  • Will they last? Will they bring you real joy?
  • Will they bring you real peace?
  • Will they bring you real wisdom?
  • Will they bring you real liberty or just temporary freedom?

What and who you call ‘foundation’, what and who you depend upon, can they provide you with unlimited sustenance?

Think on these things, very deeply.  For your own sake, make sure that you are leaning and depending on the right foundation. One that will keep you, bear you up, come what may!

This is your life and your life matters!


What Lies Within and At What Cost?


Look within, and think for a minute. Imagine that you have a camera that could click and capture every thought, every image of who you have become, click by click. What would be the result? What would actually be captured? What would each image portray? What would they convey?

You deserve to give yourself, what I call, the gift of looking within.It is the practice of asking yourself the honest questions, the ones that really matter. It is the art of making and taking the time to deeply think on them.  It is having the courage and humility to face your true answers.

Only you can do this for yourself! Nobody else can or should. It is one of the best, if not the best thing, you will ever do for, and in, your life. Face yourself!

  • Define who you have become.
  • Describe who you would like to be as a person.
  • Think about what has stopped you from becoming that person.
  • Do you know your purpose in life? Describe It.
  • If you have never thought about it, think on it now.
  • Does anything come to mind?
  • What are you going to do about it? 

Use these questions to guide you as you inwardly reflect and make the choice to genuinely look at the images within you. Meditate on these very simple, yet very relevant questions, until you come to terms with what and who you have become. What do you see? The end result should hopefully be that you summon up the quiet determination to become who you really should be, and not who you think you should be, created in the image of God. How wonderful. How beautiful. How brilliant. How magnificent.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all having been unveiled in face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image, from glory to glory, even as from the Lord, the Spirit. ~ 2 Corinthians 3:17-18 (Berean Literal Bible)

At the end of the day, we will have to find a moment in our lives when we make a decision about what type of person we are, who we have become and will become, and at what cost.  ~The Reminder: Quiet Power, Peaceful Confidence

The practice of looking within, searching within, is the gift that you give yourself. No one else can do that for you, no one else is responsible for that.

 Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. -Carl Jung