Should we blame God when we do not fit other people’s criteria? Should we blame Him when others label and reject us? Is it His fault?
I do not believe that it is God’s fault when we treat other people poorly, or when they maltreat us. He did not commit the abuse, the rejection, the racism, the stigma, the prejudice or the bias. We choose to do what we do, and act how we act, through our own freewill. The dark ripple effects of our behaviors and actions can create unspeakable agony. The pain is unbearable especially when we have given and poured out our mind, soul and spirit, and sometimes, our body.
I am a church reject, but when I finally walked away, heartbroken, spiritually wrecked, and completely rejected by man, I still knew that I could not deny God, who He is; the Father He has been to me, no matter how the church had accused and judged me,or how people treated me. I was not good enough for the church because I was a condemned sinner who did not live her life right. I also find that sometimes, I am not good enough for people; I am not up to standard for some, some hate the fact that I believe in God, and for some, I do not walk and talk a certain way, so I am not worthy of their time. I am not good enough because they wanted me to fit in according to their egos, rules and games. No matter how much I gave of myself, I was never good enough, and if I was good enough, someone found a reason to pull and tear me apart. I make people uncomfortable because I ask too many questions, speak too candidly, and openly share my thoughts and opinions.
Many labels were placed on me. In the church, the same place where I was to find God, and become whole in Him, where I was supposed to feel safe and secure in completely baring my soul and spirit, where I should not have become afraid to be vulnerable and open, where I should have been comfortable revealing how imperfect and human I am, where I made my greatest attempts to find this God, to get to know Him and to genuinely serve Him, these were the very places that shattered my heart, soul, and spirit. In the work environment and other places someone always made it their duty to demonize and negatively twist anything I said or did. Where to go, who to turn to, who should I become, when I cannot fit in with anyone’s agenda? Should I blame God? Was there something terribly wrong with me?
Not according to God! This God did not let go of me! This God stuck with me, with all my faults, imperfections, and oddities. With all my dirt, my rejected and condemned self, He still calls me by name. He still calls me beautiful. He still calls me precious and valuable. He constantly watches over me, and all that concerns me.
I remember one day, I felt His presence strongly after I had walked away from the church. I recall asking Him, “Are You still here? I thought that You would have rejected and abandoned me too! That is what they teach and tell us. If we are not good enough for them, then we are not good enough for You! How come You are here with me, the abandoned, unfaithful, and condemned sinner?”
That is when I really began to understand God, and started building an even more tangible, genuine, and honest relationship with Him. That is when I began to understand His grace, mercy, love and redemptive power. That is when I determined that I was going to walk with this God and rediscover Him for myself. In that walk, as lonely as it got, as confusing as it sometimes became, and as much as I made what I know now were free will and independent choices outside His wisdom and the umbrella of His protection, I found my purpose. I realized my worth. I began to see and understand how He sees me. I am His precious and treasured child. And so are you. Nobody can take that away from you.
Stop blaming God, start experiencing Him instead!
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